(Works with groups of up to 20 people; with groups larger than 15, it's necessary to reduce the number of questions from 3 to 2. This exercise is very intense and is best done with groups that have been meeting for at least a couple of months and in which some trust is already established. For a group of 15 using 3 questions, this exercise should take about 2.5 hours.)
First announce that, "This exercise will deal with our deepest, most painful secrets, and these secrets will go no farther than this room. If you do not want to participate in this exercise or do not agree to keep everything revealed here confidential, please go to the next room where a discussion group will be held by those who do not wish to participate. Does everyone agree not to reveal to others what they hear here today?" (Two suggestions: The secrets exercise should also be announced at the weekly meeting prior to the meeting at which it's held; and a good topic for those who opt out--if anyone does--is why they opted out.)
Next, have the group sit in a circle. Then give everyone three identical pieces of blank paper (at least half the size of a normal 8.5"x11" sheet) and identical writing implements. Tell them, "Please write down your three deepest, darkest secrets, one secret per sheet of paper, and write on only one side of the paper. These secrets should be the ones that you're most ashamed of, the ones that you would feel the most embarrassed about revealing to the group. When you've written down your secrets, please fold your papers in half and put them on the pile in the center of the circle." After a pause, say, "At the end of this exercise, if everyone agrees, we'll reveal what our secrets are. If anyone doesn't want to, no one will reveal their secrets." Allow 10 to 15 minutes for people to write down their secrets.
Then, thoroughly shuffle the papers. After they're shuffled, have everyone in the group take three papers at random from the pile. Next, tell them, "We'll go around in a circle reading these secrets out loud, one at a time. After you read a secret, react to that secret as if it were your own. Say how having that secret makes you feel." Then add, "After each secret is read, we'll let two people briefly tell us their reactions to it."
(If the group is small, three reactions would be OK the purpose of restricting the number of spoken reactions is to conserve time. Also, the spoken reactions should be brief--no more than 30 seconds each--and it's good to get reactions from different people rather than the same people after every revealed secret; if one or a few people attempt to always state their reactions, make a point of not choosing them and instead ask silent members for their reactions.)
Start by reading one of the secrets you hold in your hand and saying how having that secret makes you feel. Then ask, "Does anybody want to share how they felt hearing this secret?" If more than two people want to share, choose which two will do it, and listen to their reactions. Then ask the person on your left or right to read next, and continue going around in a circle until all of the secrets have been read and the reactions to them have been spoken. Next, go around in a circle one more time taking up to one minute each (if the group is large) or two minutes each (if the group is small) and have everyone say how they felt hearing their own secrets read (but not revealing their secrets), and how they felt about hearing other peoples' secrets.
After this round is completed, ask, "Is it OK with everyone if we reveal our secrets now?" If anyone objects, ask why, and ask if there's anything the group can do to help them feel safe enough to reveal their secrets. If anyone seems sure that they don't want to reveal, ask them again why, and if there's anything anyone can do to help them feel safe enough to do it. If they persist in saying "no," respect it and end the exercise. If they seem ambivalent, work with them until they resolve the matter. If they're still ambivalent after 10 or 15 minutes of discussion, demand that they make a decision. If they refuse to decide, take it as a "no."
If people are OK about revealing their secrets, go first yourself, and then continue around in a circle, taking up to two minutes (if the group is large) to five minutes (if the group is small) per person to reveal your secrets and state your feelings. Within the per-person time limit, questions and comments are OK after a person has finished revealing their secrets and stating their feelings.
Finally, have everyone walk outside and form a circle, place the papers in the center of the circle, and burn them. Close with a group hug and by thanking everyone, during the hug, for having the courage to participate in this exercise. (If it's raining, tearing the papers up into tiny bits indoors will serve the same purpose as burning them.)